Vegetarian Nightmares
by Delora2047
Summary: Goose tries to placate Niko after a strenuous mission, but he may have picked just the wrong restaurant for that.


_Disclaimer: 'The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers' is copyrighted by Hearst Entertainment, Inc._

_This is a work of fanfiction and I make no profit of it._

_Author's notes:_

_chicken, duck: slang words in Chinese_

_magic brownies: special recipe for brownies (cf. e.g. the Wikipedia cookbook)_

_See also: Japanese blowfish (fugu); hairdresser services after dark_

* * *

Finally. The negotiations with the Noheha are nearing an end. Even Niko looks tired. Maybe I should have helped her more, but then I was busy enough with counter-assassination and keeping those two female attachés who were supposed to assist us at equal distance _above_ the minimal distance from me.

Tomorrow morning, the treaty will be signed. Niko and I are checking the palace halls one last time for explosives, and then we can enjoy the rest of the day. It is rather hot during the day, but an evening stroll along the river would be great. Just as I want to ask Niko, attaché no 1 holds me up. I try to scare her off with a dazzling smile, but I have to spend a full five minutes to convince her that she is as witty as attaché no 2.

Now where did Niko go? I spot her scanning some statues at the other side of the hall, but she refuses to look at me.

It almost seems as though she is angry at me. I guess I really should have helped her more with those negotiations.

Or maybe her bad mood has something to do with the fact that she has been living on Kiwi fries and dessert for a week? I personally find the local cuisine rather tasty, but I assume fresh blood beetles, roasted scorpions and stewed camel feet are not to everyone's liking, especially if they are vegetarian like Niko.

An hour of scanning later she is still giving me the cold shoulder. Maybe I should try to find some adequate food for her? It would also give me a chance to escape from those two attachés…

* * *

"I'm impressed, Shane. You really found a vegetarian restaurant on this planet," she tells me affably as we enter the 'Exciting Vegetable'.

It is good to see her smile again.

"It's even listed as a 'must taste' in the tourist guide," I tell her. My restaurant research was very thorough, especially since I was trying to loose that ambassador who wanted to convince me to accompany him on a midnight visit to the hairdresser's for some strange reason.

We sit down at a table in the patio and the waiter brings us the menu. I only give it a quick glance. The writing looks rather cryptic.

"Niko, can you read this?"

She holds it to her mobile scanner and pushes some buttons, then she shakes her head.

"I think it's in one of the Noheha dialects that haven't been translated into Andorean yet. But since this is a vegetarian restaurant, it should be safe if we just take the set meal of the day."

Have I mentioned I love her smile?

Since she has really done enough negotiations, I take it upon myself to place our orders. My Noheha is still rather basic and apparently no one here understands Andorean, but there is really nothing that difficult about tea and the menu of the day. The waiter is quite eager to comply.

Soon, the hors d'oeuvres arrive. It smells rather good. I think it is chili with assorted spices and some bread crumbs. I take a spoonful and it is delicious.

Niko cautiously dips a piece of bread into it and nibbles on it. After a moment, her eyes start watering and she keeps coughing. I think she is almost crying. Did something go wrong that I am not aware of, or is she getting a cold?

I tell the waiter to bring her more hot tea, and this time I stress that she wants it without sugar. I hope I did not accidentally translate that as extra sugar.

"I think you can eat the appetizers, Shane, I'll just wait for the main course."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely."

They are really good, but if she is getting a cold, maybe they are too hot for her?

I try to strike up a conversation about the negotiations and the assassination attempts we have been able to stop, but she just keeps sipping her tea and coughing.

Finally, the main course arrives.

"And now, our special vegetable casserole," the waiter announces, "with pieces of Benola fruit."

Niko drops her tea spoon, alarmed.

"Benola as in the plant whose seeds are lethal?"

The waiter looks offended. "Our cook is very experienced. He cuts out the seeds with a very sharp knife. There has been only one casualty in over 20 years of cooking."

I guess that is why they call it the 'Exciting Vegetable'. Niko does not seem excited, though. She looks rather pale.

"Is everything alright, Niko?"

"Do you have some charge left that I could borrow, Goose? I'd just like to scan the ingredients."

Well, counter-assassination has taken its toll but "Sure."

After the scan she looks calmer. "I think we can eat this."

Now she has me worried too.

I take a bite to play taster, I think my bio-defenses will cover this anyway.

"It tastes okay, Niko, maybe somewhat bitter."

"Bitter?!! Don't eat it!!!"

She calls the waiter and gives an impressive display of just how much Noheha you can learn in one week.

I understand about as much as:

"Did you add Alila roots to this or why is it so bitter?"

"Of course it is bitter, we only serve quality food. Don't you want an exciting evening? But if there is a problem with your company," he throws a glance at me that makes me reach for my blaster, "we can bring you a duck – or a chicken, if you prefer."

Duck? Chicken? I thought this was a vegetarian restaurant?!? And what does that have to do with me?

Niko turns purple, I am not sure if from irritation or embarrassment, and says something to the effect of "We're fasting!"

The waiter looks slighted. "Very well, I will bring you dessert then: our special brownies."

Now that sounds better. Maybe the evening will still turn out all right.

Niko takes a careful bite of the chocolate cake when it is served.

"It tastes a bit different from what I'm used to. What ingredients did you use?"

"We only use original ingredients imported from Earth and its colonies!"

Niko gives him a suspicious look. "Which are?"

"I can't tell you the secret recipe for our magic brownies."

"Magic brownies?!?" Niko spits out the words, followed by the bite she has already taken.

"I want to pay right now. We're leaving!"

"Niko, what's wrong?"

"We're still Galaxy Rangers, Goose! This stuff is illegal in half the galaxy!"

Our waiter has brought in reinforcements by now.

"We will not charge you for the food, but you leave at once, or we will sue you for damages to our reputation," the restaurant owner threatens.

Niko is glaring back at him and looks ready to fight.

As much as I would enjoy a shoot-out, this is not Tortuna and we have just spent a whole week convincing the Noheha of the merits of peaceful co-existence, so I opt for quickly steering Niko out of the building.

She is still fuming.

My patience has reached its end too.

"All right, what was all this about?!?" I shout.

She gives me a very cross look.

"You really don't know?"

"No!!"

She suddenly starts giggling. "I can't believe you don't know."

I feel definitely embarrassed now. After she has explained some special terms to me, I am ready to go back and shoot some cooks, animal traders and hairdressers.

"Niko, you know I would never go with – I mean I would never…" Damn, why is it so hard to say that I do not and would never do certain things?

"I know, Shane."

She takes my hand and gives me that special smile that can melt icebergs.

If it is possible, I blush even more.

"Come on, Goose, let's find a decent steak house."

"Pardon?"

"I'm still hungry and I really liked their potato-cucumber salad. Besides, the bacon is quite easy to pick out."


End file.
